Ranty-Pants: Daily Fail

I found this post recently in my drafts from 2015, I read it over and decided to post it because it's still pretty relevant, and personally I find myself hilarious. Enjoy my past rant that will echo through the ages.



I'm a fan of a good rant post, however I'm not a fan of The Daily Mail. Not really much of a shock there. I work on a beauty counter, and recently a colleague showed me this article released on the FeMail (who the fuck came up with that, seriously?) about all the evil tricks used on the beauty counters to make you part with your cash. If you're not into sarcasm or are a fan of the Daily Mail, head on over to that red X in the corner of your screen.

1. LIGHTS THAT MAKE YOU LOOK YOUNG



While I do admit that the lighting in any department store is exceedingly bright, it's because it has to be. You are in a large open space, so you automatically require more light in order to spot your precious Ruby Woo lipstick. Contrary to the beliefs of this Femail writer, they do anything but make you look young. If anything they highlight every flaw in your skin and draw attention to that unblended eyeshadow. Worried about how much concealer you've used? You should be.

2. LIPSTICKS THAT LURE YOU IN

Comparing lipsticks to produce at the local supermarket did make me have a little nose laugh, so thank you daily mail for that. However, they are one of the most popular beauty purchases, hence earning their keep on beauty counters. Who hasn't treated themselves to a new lippy to cheer themselves up or change up their face game? Let's face it, thanks to bloggers and vloggers, MAC lipsticks sell themselves. No seduction necessary, beauty lovers love lipstick. End of.

3. GOODIES ARE SOLD IN THREES

"You missed a bit."

No one is forcing you buy stuff you don't want, but what we will do is expand on your knowledge of other products that compliment what you're interested in. If you have someone match you skin with foundation and concealer, they will probably apply blush and bronzer so you can avoid leaving the store looking like you're 2D. If you really like that blusher, then you might buy it. If you buy a cleanser, there is always a matching toner and moisturiser to get the most out of your skincare routine. You're paying good money for good results.

4. NOTHING HAS A PRICE ON IT

Beauty counters aren't designed to be smash and grab like drugstore brands. By getting the attention of a counter girl, you are now open to ask more than how much a product is. You can try before you buy, and see if that is really the correct product for your needs. You might have sensitive skin and about to buy an AHA rich exfoliator just because another blogger really liked it. It's not a trick to pressure you into the purchase, because if that's all it takes to make you fold, then you have bigger problems.

5. THE MAGIC TRIANGLES



I have nothing else to say, you've cracked the code there m8.

6. FREE SAMPLES MAKE YOU BUY



Ermagherd, conspiracy alert! Well duh, of course they do. Clarins are a great example as they are the gods of sampling. What about free samples in magazines? How many times have you gone and purchased the full size product after falling in love with the baby version? Unfortunately what our dear writer here hasn't quite grasped is that you are sampled with products tailored to you either through consultation or previous/current purchases and even as a thank you. If you like it, you'll probably come back for the full size later, if you don't like it, then you don't buy it. Wrap your head around that one.

7. CLEVER COUNTER POSITIONING

I don't know about anyone else, but I move around my counter to avoid it looking stale and boring. Unless it's bolted down of course. Nothing clever about it.

8. WHY STAFF WEAR WHITE

Bitch please, only Clinique wear white. I've also never heard Traffic Stopping called 'recruiting', but please carry on using that term, the more we sound like we're building a beauty cult the better this whole article is. Also, as mentioned before, those 'consultations' are for the benefit of the customer, counter girls don't get sent on product training so they can stare at all the pretty colours. As for being a beauty 'tutor', it's pronounced Senpai, bitch. [/sarcasm]